To those of you who know me in real life:

You probly know about the school selection deal. Its horribly depressing. Yes this journal is, indeed an emotion dump. Havnt felt the need to do this for a long time..

Well this is mainly pointed out to those people who either: Wanted to get into SDA but didnt/People who go to SDA/The people who got in but there friends didnt/Or the select one or too that includes me that is still waiting hoplessly.

This is a difficult and heart breaking process for who ever you are on this list. In ever situation it is still pretty heart breaking.

I really dont know what catigory to put this myself in. My letter still awaits me somewhere. Hard to explain. Rather not.

It would be sad weither I got in or didnt. If I didnt. Id be leaving my friends already there and the ones who got in.

If i did. I would be incredibly happy. But at the same time horribly depressed. Its kind of a choice between the people you've always wanted to be with, And your best friend.

I dont really know what I want anymore. Its getting so hard to tell. Everything seems to have a backfire. You dream of something for a long time. Once you finally get it. Its nothing like you expect. And thats usually in the bad way. We all know it happens. Too me, so many times, and quite a few current ones.

Life is changing so fast. Things I thought I wanted. Now that I have them (or dont) dont seem to keep me happy. Which makes me think. If I so get into SDA. Will it be as great as I hoped. Especially with most of my best friends gone.

None of us saw it comming. We all expect happy endings. In this case no one expected there was a chance that we couldnt get in. You automaticly expect everthing is going to be fine...

The second you hear one of your best friends say the words. Hear them tell you they didnt make it. Everything changes. You think, "Oh its just one friend." Thats just the start.

You call your best friends and one by one you slowly hear the saddness build up with each sobbing "No...".

This Gives us all a life lesson. That life indeed is the cruelest thing out there. Its entirely unfair. But we should still enjoy what we have. Though that may be very little.

I'm really confused. About alot of things. I Cant Decide what I want. How im going to surrvive without sertin people. Everythings changing.

But hey. I guess this is what I wanted.